SWF

I had this epiphany last night while I was on a date.

A date from speed dating.

Let me be more specific.

Jewish Speed Dating.

Now this is going to come as a shock. A shock so shocking that you may need to excuse yourselves from wherever you are, whatever you are doing, and take a moment in the bathroom, sitting with your head in your hands in the bathroom stall.

Dating is weird.

VOLCANOS ERUPTING. BABIES BEING BORN. STAMPEDES OF ELEPHANTS.

CHAOS!!!

But why is "DATING WEIRD"? You may ask. And I may answer. Because it's testing, on people. It's like experimenting on people. Like Flowers for Algernon. But worse. Because it's testing with people's emotions.

People's EMOTIONS!

MESSED UP RIGHT!

So, here's what I figure.

This is one of the only forms of human testing that is currently allowed by the government. Let's face it. By all governments.

***(Correction: In some countries they do not have dating. People are betrothed, arranged, or Shidduched if you are a Jew. Which I am. There is no testing. It is product based, not process.)***

So, in the spirit of science. I say experiment away. Do it all. Let there be no shame in online dating, speed dating, blind dating, reality television show dating, extreme dating, dating strangers you meet on the train, or in a bar. Date people you know. You are experimenting to better the world we live in.

THAT BEING SAID.

You must know that the percentage of experiments that are successful are minimal. In fact. The odds that your experiment will be successful is so small that I could not manage to put in all the zeros that would have to follow the decimal.

So I will merely write.

.01 Success Rate

But you must do it. My fellow scientists. You must. If not for yourselves, then do it for your parents.

Because they feel bad for you. Real bad.

You Know Those Days That Last Forever...

Today is one of those days.

When I woke up (at 5:50 it was pitch black out), then around 8 the day looked beautiful. Around 11 we started seeing creepy clouds approaching, and then intermittent showers with patchy blue skies. And then a downpour that made the roads look slick and looked like it would never let up. But as I walked home at 7:30 it was clear and cool.

Ahhh, the "Weather".

Nature usually serves as a perfect metaphor.

______________________________________

This morning I took a spin class at 6:30. I could feel my heart pounding. Literally working with it's twin brothers, my lungs, to make it happen. Maybe I was tired, maybe I could just feel the impending day.

I met a friend at Bleeding Heart Bakery (go there...seriously...if you live in Chicago...visit Chicago for this bakery...I mean it...do it) where they were taping a video for charity. And the celebrity guest was...Joan Cusack...so we talked to her a little bit about cookies. Cusack and Cookies.

Then I went home to prep for an ORIENTATION I was going to have with a company that temped out food servers and preps. Let's face it, (read previous post) my job hunt has left a little something to be desired. As old people say "Beggars Can't Be Choosers." This orientation lasted 3 hours. Where I was told that I had to be responsible. I was shown videos about how to wash dishes properly and to keep clean by "washing my hands." At the end I was offered an opportunity, which I had to turn down because of my impending trip to Disneyworld, to work at an opening of Costco. Where I could either be a demonstrator or, if I didn't really enjoy interacting with people, could sweep and do other janitorial tasks. And then as an unnecessary added bonus would receive for lunch: A HOT DOG AND A SODA!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I dragged my sorry ass to the Starbucks to spend some quality time with my mac and a friend to apply for jobs (that would probably either be scams or completely unattainable) I thought to myself "Hey, it could be worse. It could be worse."

And then it got a little worse.

A letter was waiting for me when I got home.

My first letter I have received in the mail in my new apartment.

Which is another thing I have been dealing with.

This fear that the postal service cannot keep track of all my moves and that I have piles of mail waiting to come to me and is being dragged around the country trying to find its home.

It had my own handwriting on it.

I had addressed it to me, having been asked to so by the agency I had interviewed with on Monday.

PROSPECTIVE TALENT;

"We are sorry, but we are unable to represent you at this time. Decisions about representation are based on various criteria, including the number of actors we have in a category.

Thank you for your submission and please feel free to resubmit in 6 months."

(I had to put together the ripped up pages to type that)

Here is the thing.

Totally good.

Rejection is part of the industry.

I am ready and prepared for that.

But I addressed the envelope. TO MYSELF.

I addressed my own rejection.

LIFE IS SUPER WEIRD.

YA KNOW?

LIKE REALLY WEIRD?

and then I made myself dinner.

and if you know me,

which you probably do if you are reading this,

or if you don't know me,

now you will know,

that that is the weirdest part of all.

That I made dinner.

Open Availability. Except for Sundays from 12-3 when I take Improv.

So I realize we are in an economic slump. The job market is at the worst(this is a really weird word if you say it out loud and type it at the same time)place since the depression, and I decided that this was the time to move from New York where I was happily working as a waitress to move to Chicago to... pursue the same thing here in Chicago.

And I REALIZE, that while my experience may not be exactly what you are looking for...

-Worked as a waitress in a busy upscale restaurant in the heart of Soho for over 4 years: so basically I am incredibly personable, responsible, and able to talk about food for hours

-Interned at four offices over the past five years: they all happened to be theater offices, BUT I WILL TELL YOU Mr. Person I am applying TO: that theater offices are busier than any of your silly offices. I know because theater people are crazy onstage or off.

-Teaching Artist: teaching kids Shakespeare. This should get me any job, because if I can get a kid to like Shakespeare I can do anything...I truly mean this.

Because I am getting little to no feedback in my job search I am looking into pursuing other job opportunities:

-Modeling

-Cookie Decorating

-Chess Tutoring (I am completely unqualified for this, but there always seems to be an ad for a chess tutor where I could earn 60 an hour. So, if you are reading this and you want a chess tutor. Consider me Bobby Fisher).

-Flier hander outer

-Bicycle delivery lady (I don't own a bike, nor have I lived here long enough to make this a viable job)

I mean what I am truly confused about it why my BFA in theater isn't getting me anywhere. I have a BFA from NYU Tisch in THEATER!!! Do you understand?!? I am overly qualified for all jobs I apply because of my ability to imagine a given circumstances and character. I am overly qualified because I can create a movement piece exploring what it means to have to sit behind a desk and answer phones and file things.

I CAN ACCESS YOUR EMOTIONS.

hire me. please.